It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
