I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
