Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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