i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
