Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry about my life...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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