wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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