Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My vagina is very pro this idea
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
