WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
