He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
