I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
