White coat. Heels.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize