last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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