just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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