it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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