I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
