She's JV to your varsity
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
