I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
