Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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