before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
