Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
