Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
