Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
