the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
