Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
