omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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