She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize