Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
