Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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