Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
