I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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