One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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