We won't sleep together?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
