its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
