East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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