I didn't shave. On purpose
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
