Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
