And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
