I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
