he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
