Do you still have your period?
Your dad touched me again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
