cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
