Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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