nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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