I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
