I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
last night I used snow as a chaser
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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