shes about as inviting as chlamydia
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
