how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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