I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
