Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
