I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize