is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
