WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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