i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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