dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
