U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
