Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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