I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
