I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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