what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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