Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
