is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
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