i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
