Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
