i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
