ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize