I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
