What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize