I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
