Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
