So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
