all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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