My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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