Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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