umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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