she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
