tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
