mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
