Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
