i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
