Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
