bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
