If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We're too hungover to prance.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
