That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
